Read About My Experience Shooting Large Scale Climbing Photography for Display at Movement Lincoln Park and Wrigleyville in Chicago, IL

Can you remember a time you learned to welcome who you are and to let go of pressure to be like someone else? Can you describe what that felt like?

After I graduated from college, I held two different office jobs, trying to work my way into marketing and advertising. I was miserable and hated the environment and the limited scope of what I was allowed to do. After another Sunday night spent dreading the beginning of the work week, I decided to just quit and figure out what I really wanted to do with my life, now that I knew what I didn't want to do. I journaled my feelings and prayed and asked God what my purpose even was. I asked myself what my vision of happiness was and what things made me feel the most actualized and satisfied. I had literally never asked myself any of those things before.

During high school, I was very focused on fulfilling other people's expectations, living up to “my potential”, certainly not wasting my life just being a housewife. It was the age of women's liberation and the message was very clear that a work career was the only self-respecting choice. I struggled to find an interest or passion that would indicate what my career should be. I finally decided that since everyone said I was good at writing, I should do that. Being an English major seemed awful, so I chose mass communications, which was a newly offered major at that time. I worked hard to be great at it - the best student in every class, but it was never because I loved it. My goals never extended farther than getting an A.

Fast forward to me sitting in my bedroom as a young woman, 2 years into her career, newly married and miserable. During that time of reflection, I looked back at my childhood, trying to pick out clues to what I had always known I wanted, but brushed aside because it didn't fit in with other people's vision of success. I realized that home and family was where my center was. It was where I could imagine fully using every one of my interests and gifts, instead of only doing what was allowed in a job description. The ability to grow would be unlimited and I would be in charge of my own path. I also realized that all my childhood fantasies involved taking care of large groups of animals, or children, or mothering in some form and that was where my heart really was, in spite of the belief I had absorbed growing up that motherhood wasn't enough.

What do you think Camille before kids would think of Camille today, with 8 kids and a grandchild? 

She would be surprised she had it in her. She would be surprised at the amount of leadership and authority she could conjure up to parent such a large group when she had always been such a shy, reserved person with the quietest voice ever. She would admire the fact that Camille became fully herself and expressed all her strengths and gifts and abilities that no one knew about, not even herself!

Can you describe the moment you felt most defeated and if that taught you something you would want to pass on to others?

The time in my life that I felt the most defeated was during the end of my marriage. It had become clear that there was never going to be a way to fix it or even improve it and I didn't think I could leave it either. I thought the only way it would ever end is when one of us died. I had accepted utter defeat. I would pass on three words that kept me from sinking. They are “just keep going.” Literally, don't just sit in the grocery store parking lot and hope to die. Just keep going, people are counting on you. So I would get out of the car and do the next thing. I would tell myself that when I felt like grinding to a halt, and just staring into space forever. I kept going, and possibilities that I couldn't foresee came along. God showed me a path when the way was just darkness.

What makes you most proud in this season? And what have you enjoyed most about the journey getting here?

Realizing the amount of courage I actually possess. Courage for having all those children and believing it would work out, even on one income. Courage for going all-in on homeschooling and not quitting when it was frustrating and hard. Courage to provide my children stability and security as a parent even while my marriage was eating me alive. Having the bravery to end the marriage and save myself. Being able to support myself and the children still at home - by myself, with my own business. The thing about developing courage is that it isn’t usually enjoyable. It’s about being afraid and acting anyway. But in the end, because of it’s difficulty and the amount of reach it took, I’m the most proud of it. Even if I didn’t enjoy the journey though, I definitely enjoy the fruit!

What are you learning about yourself in this stage of your life?

That life is very long and my first loves – of people and vocations – didn't last forever. I have a whole second act to do, and I'm just getting used to that revelation.

How much of your mother do you see in you? How much of her do you see in your daughters? In what ways do you see yourself in your daughters? 

I see her creativity infused in all the tasks of motherhood, expressing herself at the same time as taking care of her children. My mom had to do a good portion of the parenting on her own, while my dad was deployed in the Navy, and I probably learned from her that it was possible to do it well. My mom cared about us being smart and capable and I also had that priority. She was a stay-at -home mom, and that's ultimately what I wanted to be, too.

I do see my mom's creativity and focus in my own daughters, her sentimentality and love of all things beautiful. As for traits from myself to my daughters, I see the dependability, work ethic, and the confidence to do hard things and learn what you don't know. I see the joy in creating a beautiful home, the love of being a maker, of food, of gifts, of all kinds of things. I see practicality and planning, list making and responsibility, along with caring about birthdays, loving a good tv show and getting excited about new makeup.

What’s a piece of advice your mom gave you that still serves you?

That children are resilient. She told me that when I was worried that I was making mistakes that would ruin everything. There's room to make mistakes, in all things.

That I really only had to work hard to teach good behavior to the first ones and then the rest kind of learned from the group dynamic of what was allowed and not allowed. That important things like patience, turn taking, sharing, promoting the good of the group over getting your way, protecting the smaller and weaker were lessons that occurred naturally as we just functioned as a large family.

What’s the most joyful part of raising children, what was the biggest struggle?

The most joyful part is probably knowing that what you're doing has such consequence, such deep significance. Bearing and raising a child is eternal; you have care over an eternal soul! You are trying to equip a human being for the rest of their life on earth, and also point the way to heaven.

That fact is also the biggest struggle.

In more everyday terms, the funnest part for me was studying your personalities and watching you learn how to do things and grow into yourselves. The biggest struggle was when I felt beaten down by the stage they were in and all the resistance.

How has your relationship with your body changed through carrying and delivering children? 

I have much more respect for it. It's about so much more than beauty. Here's a favorite quote of mine specifically about childbirth, but generally about all that our bodies take from us and give to us. It's from “Call the Midwife”.

What is it like for you now that your children are nearly all adults? What about that brings you joy and is there anything that brings you sadness?

It's like turning a page and leaving everything behind. I just never knew how many separate “lives” life would have. I always saw it as one continuous thing, stretching into the future, but you really do have to close chapters, say goodbye to one iteration of your life and start again with something that is still familiar but so different. The sadness comes from still wanting what you're leaving behind, or missing it. Like when I miss my tiny kids that I used to see everyday. It's still you, in grown up form, but I won't ever see that little girl again. And I loved her. 

The joy is that my life is so incredibly easy now in comparison. It's quiet and clean and calm and those are things that were scarce back then that I've always craved. I love having time to myself, and not having to spend so much time on meal planning, shopping, cooking and cleaning. I can pursue my own interests freely and that's been really lovely to get to know myself and enjoy things that I could never afford, time or money-wise. It's also a joy to see you guys be successful in your lives, find love and create homes, following the path of generations and generations before you.